


The Way You Said "I Love You"

by centreoftheselights



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: (in one chapter only), Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Dark Side, Bravery, Breakfast, Comfort, Confrontations, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Day At The Beach, Declarations Of Love, Dialogue-Only, Disney Songs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Support, Falling In Love, Fear, Fear of Death, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Heartache, Holding Hands, Hugging, I Love You, Insomnia, Loneliness, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Memories, Mentions of Cancer, Morning Routines, One-sided Conversation, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Past Character Death, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, Post-Break Up, Pre-Canon, Pre-Slash, Pretending to be Asleep, Prompt Fill, Public Display of Affection, Secret Relationship, Singing, Social Anxiety, Speechlessness, Teasing, Tumblr Prompt, Unrequited Crush, Vacation, argument, sad movies, sharing food, shouting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-06-30 05:07:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19846219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/centreoftheselights/pseuds/centreoftheselights
Summary: There are a lot of ways to say it.A series of prompt fills for various ships.1. Moceit - A scream2. Prinxiety - Loud, so everyone can hear3. Logicality - Muffled, from the other side of the door4. Creativisleep - A taunt, with one eyebrow raised and a grin bubbling at your lips5. Logince - In a letter6. Moxiety - Broken, as you clutch the sleeve of my jacket and beg me not to leave7. Analogical - When I am dead8. Prinxiety - Without really meaning it9. Prinxiety - In awe, the first time you realised it





	1. Moceit - A scream

**Author's Note:**

> A series of prompt fills for ["The Way You Said 'I Love You'"](https://potestessemagishomosexualitatis.tumblr.com/post/186350331351/the-way-you-said-i-love-you) originally posted on my Sanders Sides Tumblr, [potestessemagishomosexualitatis](https://potestessemagishomosexualitatis.tumblr.com/).

Damon had barely closed the door behind him when Patton slammed it open again, storming in with that righteous look on his face.

“Why do you keep doing that?” he demanded. “Virgil is _shaking_ , he’s terrified that he’s a bad person, and all because you said -”

“Oh, what do you care?” Damon drawled at him. “If your pet emo is in such a state, then by all means _don’t_ comfort him, come waste your time _moralising_ at me instead -”

“You were supposed to be better than this!” Patton hissed. “You said you were going to _try_ _harder._ ”

If that gave Damon a twinge of guilt, he didn’t show it. He simply shrugged.

“I lied. It’s what I do.”

Patton paced back and forth, fuming.

“I know you can be better than this. I’ve _seen_ you be helpful - kind, even! But it’s like you don’t even try. Why do you keep on being the worst parts of yourself?”

“I know who I am,” Damon snapped back. “I never said I was perfect.”

He stepped forward, so that he and Patton were nose-to-nose.

“There’s a whole lot of flawed people in the world, _Morality_. Why is it that I’m the one you won’t stop nagging?”

To Damon’s surprise, Patton _yelled_ , a wordless shout of frustration - perhaps even rage.

“Because I _love_ you!” he screamed.

Damon stared at him. For once, he didn’t have a comeback.

Patton shook his head.

“ _Be better_ ,” he snapped.

Then he slammed the door behind him, leaving Damon alone.


	2. Prinxiety - Loud, so everyone can hear

As the elevator doors closed, leaving the two of them alone, Virgil leant his head against Roman’s chest, breathing deep as Roman wrapped his arms around him.

Virgil was still shaking a little from the stress of the meeting. Defending his thesis, the panel’s eyes on him as he stuttered and struggled to remember references - he had _known_ the answer to that question, why did he stumble, he must have sounded like such an idiot -

“It’s over,” Roman murmured, rubbing his back reassuringly. “You did it. It’s out of your hands.”

Virgil took a deep breath, relaxing into Roman’s arms. He never felt safer than when Roman was holding him.

“Thanks for coming to meet me,” he murmured.

“Of course, love. I wouldn’t dream of -”

Roman cut off suddenly as the elevator came to a halt, quickly dropping his arms. As the doors opened to the lobby, he took Virgil’s hand instead, squeezing it once with an encouraging smile, before letting go as the two of them walked out into the lobby.

It was silly. Virgil knew that he was the one who had asked for this, that he had _told_ Roman he didn’t want to do anything romantic in public, because it made him feel anxious, feel looked at. But right now, he would have given anything to be able to hold his boyfriend’s hand.

So... what the fuck was stopping him?

As they stepped outside into the busy courtyard, Virgil took a shaky breath, then reached out and grabbed Roman’s hand. Roman looked startled for a second, then bumped shoulders gently.

“You sure this is okay?” he asked softly.

“Yes,” Virgil said, not bothering to keep his voice down. “I want to hold your hand, because I love you.”

Roman’s eyes grew a little wider. Virgil blushed a little, still feeling terrifyingly exposed with so many people around - but he didn’t care. Roman was the best thing in his life, and he wanted the whole world to know it.

“I love you,” Virgil said again, a little louder.

“I love you too, my dark and stormy knight,” Roman answered. He squeezed Virgil’s hand tightly. “Come on. Let’s go home.”


	3. Logicality - Muffled, from the other side of the door

“Patton? Are you awake?”

...

“I thought I saw your light on when I was coming in. I know things have been... difficult, lately. If you are having trouble sleeping again, I would be happy to offer whatever assistance I can give you.”

...

“I know how much you miss him. I wish I could... I wish there was some way I could make it hurt less, but... well, you know me. Emotions aren’t really my strong suit, are they?”

...

“But if you ever feel like talking, I’m here. Well, I suppose I’m always physically here, but I mean... I want you to feel like you can come to me. Even if you’re sad, or angry. I will help as much as I can, but more than that... your emotions are not a burden to me, Patton. I only wish I could make them less of a burden to you.”

...

“Look at me, rambling foolishly. It’s late, you’re asleep, and I’m talking to myself. I should go to bed now. Goodnight, Patton.”

...

“... I love you.”

The sound of footsteps, walking away.

And a gentle, wounded noise as Patton, curled with his knees against his chest and his hand tight against his mouth to muffle his sobs, leans his head back against the door and starts to cry.


	4. Creativisleep - A taunt, with one eyebrow raised and a grin bubbling at your lips

Roman drifted into the kitchen, his expression brightening as he picked up the distinctive warm cinnamon-and-apple smell in the air.

“Mmm, we’re having fritters for breakfast?”

Standing next to the oven, Remy froze like a deer in headlights, clearly guilty. Roman’s eyes flickered over to the counter, where the damning evidence waited: an empty pastry box.

“Betrayal!” Roman cried.

Remy turned, lowering his sunglasses in order to roll his eyes at Roman.

“There was only one left in the store. You can make your own breakfast hun, whatever you like -”

“Treachery!”

“Pancakes, or waffles, or bacon and eggs -”

“ _Or_...”

“No, nuh-huh, it’s not happening -”

“Or, you could share your fritter with me.”

Remy rose one eyebrow.

“And why would I do something like that, babes?”

“Because I am the most handsome and dashing prince in all the land, and I deserve tasty breakfast goodness?”

Remy shook his head.

“Because you are kind and generous and a wonderful, selfless boyfriend?”

Remy snorted.

“Girl, what planet are you on?”

“Well then.” Roman smirked. “How about -”

“Bitch, don’t -”

“Because I _love_ you,” Roman said triumphantly, wrapping his arms around Remy. “I love you more than the heavens and the earth and more than every Disney movie ever made, and I would lay down my life for the sake of your happiness -”

“Okay, okay, fine!” Remy blushed as Roman pressed a kiss to his cheek. “You can share my apple fritter. Are you happy?”

“Joyfully so, because I am in your presence -”

“Dork,” Remy teased. “There’s just one condition.”

“Name it, my love, and I shall do anything to win your favour -”

“Pay me back in kisses?”

Now it was Roman’s turn to blush.

“I, uh... yes, I’ll try.”

“That’s all I need, babe.”


	5. Logince - In a letter

“Ah. I thought as much.”

Roman startled at the sound of Logan’s voice, yelping and leaping out of his chair, even though the door to his room had been left ajar. Roman was sat at his desk, and both the desktop and the floor around it were covered with crumpled papers and torn-up scraps of rejected ideas. Roman was still clutching a feathered quill in one hand, and there was a smudge of ink across his face that Logan couldn’t help but find endearing.

“It appears have once again lost track of time in the pursuit of your creative work. You missed dinner, and so I have brought dinner to you.”

Logan held up the bowl of pasta, and Roman’s look of embarrassed surprise softened into... gratitude? Appreciation?

“Thank you,” Roman said, warmly, taking the plate from him. He sat on the edge of his bed, and began shovelling pasta in his mouth. “I’m sorry for my rudeness in missing the meal, but - well, the words I need to capture my thoughts upon the page seem to be eluding me.”

“Creative block,” Logan acknowledged. “Perhaps you should return to this project at a later date? Taking regular breaks is a more manageable method -”

Roman waved a hand, stopping him.

“Good advice, but unfortunately, this is not my first attempt. No matter how long I slave over the page, it seems that the reality of this work can never match the glory of my hopes for it.”

“And yet, you find yourself returning to it anyway?” Logan picked up one of the scraps from the floor, and inspected it curiously. He had just enough time to register something about “most darling and most brilliant love -” before Roman shouted “No!” in a panicked voice.

Startled, Logan dropped the paper immediately.

“I apologise. I didn’t mean to pry -”

Roman shook his head. “No, I over-reacted.”

“I know you dislike others reading your work before it is complete,” Logan acknowledged. “I should not have done so without permission.”

Roman hesitated, and then shrugged.

“You know what, I think I could use your input,” he said slowly. “Take a look.”

He gestured to the paper that was still on his desk, which Logan picked up and began to read.

“ _My dearest friend,_

“ _I know that our friendship has at times been difficult, even challenging, for us both. But I hope you know that you are, indeed, a dear friend to me, and that I treasure every moment of the time we spend together. In the last few months, I feel that we have grown closer, and indeed, you have begun to occupy a particular place in my affections, and it is about this I have chosen to write to you._

“ _I love you. I am not one to hide my feelings, and I know you would prefer I spoke plainly. I have found myself, over the last several months, beginning to fall in love with you, until I am filled with the warmest of feelings merely at the sight of your smile or the sound of your voice. And while I am joyful to have any relationship with you at all, I find my thoughts increasingly drawn to the question of whether my romantic aspirations towards you have any hope of fulfilment -_ ”

There, the letter cut off suddenly. Logan scanned over the last paragraph again, lingering for a moment. He didn’t want to look away from those words: “ _I love you_.”

“I...” he said slowly. “I do not usually track Thomas’s romantic aspirations. Might I ask which of his friends this letter is intended for?”

Roman shook his head. “No, Logan. It isn’t for Thomas.”

“A work of fiction, then?” Logan’s voice sounded a little strangled.

“Do you - do you really not know who it’s for?” Roman asked.

Logan hesitated. He thought he knew, but - no, he couldn’t -

“I don’t want to - assumptions, can be devastating -”

“ _You_ , Specs. I wrote it for you.”

Logan blinked rapidly, suddenly finding it difficult to breathe.

“You don’t - I apologise, if this makes you uncomfortable in any way. If you don’t feel the same, I won’t let my feelings affect our friendship. I just thought - well, hoped perhaps - that sometimes, you would look at me, and...”

Logan held up a hand, and Roman fell silent, giving him room to speak.

Now if only he had any clue what to say.

“I...” Logan put a hand to his chest. “I don’t have... words. For how you make me feel. But... I know I want to keep feeling it.”

Logan flushed at his own inarticulateness, but Roman’s eyes lit up.

“Tell me about it,” he said, gesturing to the heaps of papers littering the room. “I’m not expecting you to give me a declaration or anything. You don’t have to have all the answers on this one, Specs. But... would you like to maybe... go on a date with me?”

Logan nodded.

“Yes. Uh, that would be very satisfactory.”

Roman’s answering smile was instant, and Logan wanted it to never end.

He sat beside Roman on the bed, and reached out a hand. Roman took it instantly, and held it tight. It was a little awkward, perhaps, but that was okay.

They could figure out the words later.

  



	6. Moxiety - Broken, as you clutch the sleeve of my jacket and beg me not to leave

Virgil frowned at the sound of a knock at his door. The others didn’t talk to him much, but when they did, they weren’t usually polite enough to knock. It definitely didn’t sound like that, timid and so quiet it was only barely on the edge of hearing.

He heard a soft sound like someone sniffing, or perhaps sighing, and then another knock. Slowly, he approached and opened the door.

“Morality?” Virgil stared, before pulling the light side into his room and quickly shutting the door behind him. “What are you doing here? You can’t -”

“I - I -” Patton was sniffing, and on closer inspection, Virgil realised he was only just holding back tears. “I needed to see you.”

He held out his arms, wordlessly asking for a hug and... how could Virgil say no?

“Morality... Pat.” Virgil sighed. “You know it isn’t safe for you down here. If the others knew -” Virgil shook his head, not wanting to scare his soft-hearted friend. “I‘m taking you back to your room.”

Virgil sank them both out, and a moment later they appeared instead in Patton’s room with its bright colours and warm, soft light. Patton staggered, reeling a little from the unfamiliar way of appearing, and he clutched at Virgil’s arms for balance.

“I’m sorry,” he said in a small voice. “I just... I just got... scared.”

Virgil glanced awkwardly at the door. Logic or Creativity could come in at any time, and they wouldn’t be happy to find him here. But then, Patton was looking at him with those wide eyes...

“What happened?” he asked, gently, steering them both over to the bed to sit down.

“I watched... it was just a movie! It’s called Marley and Me. It was so happy at first, it was a comedy all about a dog, only then... at the end... he died. The doggo died.”

“Oh, Pat.” Virgil rubbed Patton’s back as he started sobbing quietly. Virgil’s heart ached in sympathy, even as he wished that somehow, he could have prevented this. If he’d been there, he would have looked up the movie’s ending, made sure it was happy, made sure it wouldn’t upset Patton - only, he wasn’t there, was he? He couldn’t have been.

He wasn’t a light side. So he had to stay away.

“And - Virge, I started thinking about how - how you can love someone so much and it doesn’t matter! They can be gone in a moment, because life is so fragile, and I got so scared, so worried that something might happen to the people I care about, and - how do you cope with it? How do you manage, thinking about this stuff all the time?”

Patton was clutching at Virgil’s sleeve, his expression so bright and earnest even through his tears.

“... I dunno, I just do,” Virgil said with a shrug. “It’s... not so bad, really.”

“But - but life is so short! There are so many people I love, and the world is so scary sometimes...”

“I...” Virgil shifted uncomfortably, then jumped to his feet. “Look, I’m going to go get someone -”

“No, please don’t go!” Patton grabbed a hold of Virgil’s sleeve, and didn’t let go. “Please, I don’t want you to leave -”

“You don’t need me here right now,” Virgil said. “I can’t... I’ll only make things worse.” _I’ll only scare you more_. “You should be with the people you love -”

“I.” Patton hiccuped. “I am.”

Virgil hesitated.

“Please,” Patton said, his voice heavy with emotion. “Please, just stay with me. I... I love you. And I need you here. I need to know you’re okay. Please?”

Virgil’s breath caught in his throat. He knew he ought to leave. Any time now, one of the other light sides could walk in and find him here - or one of the others could realise he was missing - or, or, or -

He sat down, and wrapped an arm around Patton, squeezing him close.

“I’m here,” he said softly. “As long as you need. I’m safe, okay?”

“Okay,” Patton murmured back, burying his tear-streaked face in Virgil’s shoulder. “It’s less scary, when you’re here.”

Virgil blinked, and buried his face in Patton’s hair.

Even if someone walked in, Virgil wouldn’t let them see him cry.


	7. Analogical - When I am dead

Logan should sleep.

It’s a little after two in the morning. He’s exhausted, right down to his bones, but the bed -

Well. He can’t seem to get used to sleeping alone. So he stays up, browsing through old files on his computer.

It started with - he wanted to make a slide show. And he did, it’s finished, a couple of days ago now. All the arrangements have been dealt with, only -

Only he keeps looking at the photos. And, like now - the videos.

It had been a blissfully hot day, and Virgil had spent half an hour slathering them both in sunscreen before stepping outside. He had been so stressed about UV, the chance one of them might get -

Well.

In the video, they’re on the boardwalk, resting in the shade and watching the water. They had wound up getting ice creams - was this before that happened? No, it must be after, because Virgil is still holding the scrunched-up napkin, forgotten in a ball in his hand.

He looks so bright. His skin is flushed pink with the heat, his eyes are sparkling bright behind the dark make-up, and there’s a soft curve to his stomach under his shirt. He isn’t painfully emaciated, skin clammy and pale, thick bags under his eyes from lack of sleep - no, this is before the disease, before chemo and pain and sleepless nights had sapped his energy away. In this video, Virgil is warm and vibrant and _alive_.

“So,” Logan’s voice asks from behind the camera lens. “How do you feel being greeted by the ocean?”

“Greeted? What?”

Virgil is smiling, even before he hears what’s coming.

“Can’t you see?” The view moves across to the open water. “Look, it’s waving.”

Virgil bursts out laughing, and when the camera moves back to him he’s doubled over with it.

“That was such a dad joke! I’m telling Patton on you -”

“No, don’t -”

“And I have video to prove it!” Virgil’s expression softens, and the sight of it makes Logan’s chest ache. “God, Lo, you’re such a dork. I love you.”

The camera tips to the side suddenly before cutting out a second or two later. Logan had stopped filming so that he could kiss his boyfriend, and tell him he loved him back. Only now, Logan is alone, and he’ll never -

He can’t _ever again_ -

Logan chokes back a sob, and hits ‘replay’.


	8. Prinxiety - Without really meaning it

Roman opened the door with a dramatic flourish, and Virgil sighed and rolled his eyes.

“You have _got_ to be kidding me. Princey, I love you, but there’s no way I’m going out with you when you’re dressed like _that_.”

Roman faltered, his brain stuttering over what he’d just heard like a frozen Youtube video.

“... Roman?” Virgil gave him a worried half-smile. “I was only kidding. You can wear that if you want.”

“No, I -” Roman shook his head. “Actually, I think you’re right. I will return in a moment, with more suitable attire!”

He took the stairs two at a time, closed his bedroom door behind him, and leaned against it, breathing hard.

It was fine. It was nothing! It had only been a joke between friends. But -

Oh. Oh, how Roman had longed to hear those words spoken and now - to have them fall so casually from his friend’s mouth, as though they meant nothing to him -

Because they didn’t. Because Virgil had no idea how Roman felt. And because, even if he knew, he would never in a million years feel the same way.

Roman had wished for the day Virgil would declare his love. _Be careful what you wish for_ indeed.

“Roman?” A quiet knock at the door. “Are you okay? I mean - I didn’t mean to upset you. It was just a joke!”

Of course it was.

Roman quickly hurried over to his wardrobe and made a few adjustments to his outfit. Slipped off the chunky bangles on his wrists, and covered the red sequinned crop top with his favourite white and gold bomber jacket. He checked his hair in the mirror quickly, and gave himself a watery smile.

“Nothing to be concerned with!” Roman threw the door open and beamed at Virgil. “How’s this?”

“Yeah, you look great,” Virgil replied. “You almost gave me a heart attack though, running off like that. Drama queen, much?”

“You love me!” Roman teased back, the words feeling like ash in his mouth. “Come on, we’d better get going.”


	9. Prinxiety - In awe, the first time you realised it

“The sun will come out, tomorrow! Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there’ll be sun!”

Virgil, slouching in the shade of a nearby tree, rolls his eyes at Roman.

“Sun’s already out, Princey,” he observes. “And if you keep singing like that, people are going to stare at you.”

Roman turns with a bright smile, the sunlight glinting gold in his thick, brown curls.

“That is precisely the point, my pessimistic pal! I must have an audience, after all!”

“I thought I was your audience,” Virgil teases. “Does this mean I can stop listening.”

“Absolutely not!” Roman drops to one knee and grabs Virgil’s hands, pulling him into a sitting position as he starts to serenade him:

“I can show you the world - shining, shimmering, splendid! Tell me Virgil, now when did you last let your heart decide?”

Roman’s eyes twinkle with playfulness, and his hands are warm on Virgil’s, and suddenly the aforementioned organ is doing something distinctly unusual inside Virgil’s chest.

It all wells up at once, and it's like being hit by a tidal wave. Virgil has all the air knocked out of him, and somehow the words just... slip out.

“I love you.”

Roman stops singing, the light fading quickly from his eyes.

“... what?”

“I -” Virgil’s brain catches up with his mouth, and promptly starts screaming.

_Way to ruin a friendship! He’s going to hate you now._

_Quick, make an excuse, maybe there’s still time -_

_Kiss him, kiss him right now, it’s not like you can screw up any worse so you might as well -_

“Hey, Virgil, it’s okay. Can you take a breath for me?”

Virgil breathes deep, and his head clears a little. He realises with a start that he’s still holding Roman’s hands, clinging them tight as a lifeline. He loosens his grip, but he can’t bring himself to completely let go.

“There we go, nice and steady.” Roman’s voice is low and gentle, nothing like it sounded a minute ago. These words are for Virgil alone, no-one else. “Need me to count?”

Virgil shakes his head.

“I, um.” Roman bites his lip. “Did you say you loved me?”

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” Virgil can feel himself blushing, wanting to pull away from this conversation, but he can’t. Every fibre of his being is aching to be close to Roman. It should be strange but - but it isn’t. Oh, how long has he been feeling this and never realised what it was?

“Did you mean... romantically?” Roman asks, and there’s a lift to his voice that fills Virgil with a treacherous hope.

“Yeah,” Virgil says slowly. “Yeah, I did. Is that... okay?”

“It’s excellent!” Roman says, much too quickly. “It’s very, very, very good! I, uh - that is to say -”

Virgil’s heart is pounding in his chest as he watches Roman’s cheeks turn pink as he stutters over the words.

“C’mere, Princey.” Virgil tugs Roman to sit beside him. Roman immediately puts an arm over his shoulder, and Virgil curls into it, every inch of skin burningly aware of the warmth of the contact between them.

Roman nuzzles his cheek against Virgil’s hair.

“So this is love, mm-mm-mm-mm, so this is love...” he sings softly.

“So... we’re good, then?” Virgil asks.

“So _this_ is what makes life divine...”

Virgil chuckles, and leans his head against Roman’s chest.

Okay. Maybe that could have gone worse.


End file.
